Adulting Agreement

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this lost before in terms of where I want to go and where I want to be.

I thought I had my life planned out for Korea, but clearly, it wasn’t the case now that I have been here for three months and already feeling antsy to leave for the next country.

I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure to prove myself to others that I have to be the kind of artist that I’ve deprived myself so long to be. It feels really weird to know how much time I have and at the same time don’t.

Work has been taking a lot of time when it comes to lesson planning. Despite my endeavors to pursue a teaching career, I try not to let my current job title define me. A recent incident has been making me doubt myself, my validity, to the point that my self-confidence has been in the drains lately.

Now, I know that I am not a bad teacher but it really hurts my pride when it’s a mistake that I get a feeling that others would avoid out of common sense. Maybe it’s because of the many traumatic experiences at my past workplaces, where I keep being called out for my mistakes.

But at the end of the day, isn’t what your twenties are supposed to be? Making all of these stupid mistakes? Just fucking up? When do they end? Or do they ever? And am I the only one making them? Hopefully, not.

I find that being part of society has been a constant struggle. Besides the fact that I think that society has screwed us up in many ways, I also feel that there’s this constant pressure not to screw up. To add to that, another realization that I’ve made from screwing up is that the consequences are heavier as you get older, which is something I didn’t ask for when I signed the adulting agreement.

Wish me luck in the next few months,



Slowing Down

So, it’s been a while since I’ve written one of my lengthy reflection posts. Life has been flying by and it seems that I always have something to do! And it seems that everybody is like that, too.

I’ve dedicated a good chunk of my summer towards finishing up Project Voice. For a while, I felt a little lost because I wasn’t quite sure where to go next. What would my next chapter be? I can’t be wasting all of this time with all youth and energy! Ack!

And that brings me to thinking about how others are getting by in their life. Back in The States, we’re constantly taught to work, work, work, never stopping, never having enough time for anything. Little did we realize how toxic and detrimental to our mental, emotional, and physical health such a lifestyle can be. And that’s a truth that I kept in the back of my head while working hard for Project Voice to be a dream come true.

But I am tired of feeling tired all the time.

Sometimes, we try to fill the void that we feel inside us by keeping ourselves busy when in reality, you can only fill it by knowing that you are enough. It came to my realization that, after a conversation with a friend (the same friend who I went to for advice on healing and self-care), that it is okay to slow down because slowing down does not mean falling behind.

To tell you the truth, I wasn’t able to sleep so well for a week because I spent so much time trying to find work  – although living in Korea has definitely changed me for the better. I am getting much more sleep than ever. I eat healthier. I’m cooking for myself. I drink a smoothie at least once every day. I go to yoga and pilates classes about 3 times a week. I have a 3-5 step skincare routine that includes wearing face masks, depending on the day. I meditate every night before I go to sleep. I finally have a routine. I feel less anxious, less fatigued, and more rejuvenated now. I feel more in control of my body and the environment. I feel more at ease.

So, in other words: here’s to resting and slowing down.  Here’s to trying new things out not to prove anything for others but for the sole sake of curiosity itself. Here’s to spending time and catching up with loved ones. Here’s to living and enjoying by the moments.