Dear public blog of mine,
2016 has been one hell of a rocky year. It’s been filled with more ups and downs than the several years before that combined, and I know that this is just the beginning so better off getting myself used to being on this roller coaster for a while!
While I have no idea what 2017 will bring for me, 2016 has brought clarity for me in more than one way in terms of what I want to do, who I want to be, who I want to be with, and where I want to go.
A beautiful insight that I’ve gained from living life is realizing how much power I truly have over how I live for myself. I am no longer living in the same paradigm as I was before; I am now in a place where every aspect of my life routine is something that I have actively chosen to let myself continue being a part of, where every action I take is intentional and conducive to my personal growth. I make my own world.
I am not being lived, I am living life.
However, as sure as I sound now, 2016 has been a very humbling year for me. It has brought upon many challenges for me, constantly forcing me to check my ego and reevaluate my actions every now and then.
As a result, the most valuable feeling I took away this year is the self-validation behind acknowledging and being completely open to my insecurities and vulnerabilities. It’s only taken me these past several weeks to fully come to accept the truths that used to be so often hidden behind my walls of denial. Because in order to heal and grow, I must let these walls down and recognize that I, too, need to see myself for who I really am and what I need to work on. Because I have not been honest with myself, I’ve hurt others, too, which in turn has hurt me.
Lastly, people come and go. We all grow in and out of friendships and our older selves become untouchable. This is a fact that I am steadily accepting over time, and although it hurts coming to realize that I’m in that chapter in life where you can’t make others stay with you, it’s necessary for the sake of happiness and growth for both sides. In order to grow and become the best self that I can be, I need to accept, move on, and continue loving. Because when any form of love comes into your life, hold onto it as long as you can before it has to leave. And when love -either platonic or romantic – leaves, thank it for its time.
So, blog, thank you so much for being there for me throughout periods of inspiration, my high and low times, and my moments of confusion and clarity.
I really appreciate you always being able to provide a space for me not only when I needed to create and express myself, but also to vent, reflect, and grow from my struggles.
But I think I need to take a break from you for a while, and when I come back, I promise you that I’ll be a different person – a better, wiser, stronger, more confident, more balanced, more open, and more loving Jessica Nguyen.
I’ll be writing and focusing the rest of my energy somewhere else so don’t worry about that part.
I know what I want do now and I am doing it.
I’ll see you around, okay?